Transformation Station

Day 2

2010-01-20T22:11:00.004-06:00

Ugh. Day 2 did not go so well. Meant to wake up at 7, woke up at 9 instead! I was so sore (still so very sore) that I wouldn't have been able to work out anyway. Tried to be good about eating - cheerios, chicken soup, 2 Manilo cookies, 3 wheat crackers, 3/4 full bag of popcorn, only water and Diet DP to drink. Then, dinner happened. Went to Cracker Barrel. I could've had grilled fish or chicken or a salad, but what did I get? Chicken fried steak with white gravy, hashbrown casserole, and steamed beans. Drank water and hot chocolate (WITH WHIPPED CREAM). So terrible!!!! I also didn't do my early devotional with God this morning. I am determined not to let this get me down, though. I know that if I do, I'll never finish. So, tomorrow, I begin again.

Day 2

2010-01-20T22:11:00.003-06:00

Day 1

2010-01-19T13:06:00.001-06:00

Health Diary:

Woke up this morning feeling not so great. Had stomach pains all day yesterday and felt sick to my stomach in the AM. I was determined to try out my new Jillian Michaels DVD.

Weight: 176.5 lbs. (just a month ago, I was 170! This I know is due to BC pills. Thanks.)
Workout: Woke up at 7:15 am. Stretched and popped in the 30 Day Shred with Jillian Michaels.
Review: This workout killed. I had been doing TurboJam for about month so I thought I could handle this. No way, no how. The workout is only 20 minutes long, but it is high intensity the entire time. I started on Level 1 and I took a couple of breaks that were longer than 5 seconds. The goal is to do this workout for 30 days straight. This is going to take a LOT of will power. When I was done, I was wiped out and felt like throwing up. Seriously. I went to the toilet a couple of times expecting the chunks to fly, but I think I talked myself out of it. Still not feeling great. Maybe I was already getting sick and the workout rushed the process? We'll find out tomorrow.

Food as of 1pm: 2 pieces of whole grain toast with a smidge of butter and sugar free jelly. 1 sugar free fudgecicle (oops). A little bit of water - I was too sick to drink it after my workout!

Spiritual Journey

In church last week, our pastor instructed us to spend our first 5-10 minutes with God. Some of it reading the Bible, and the remainder in total stillness. I have been told before that it doesn't matter what time of day you decide to spend with God, but I feel differently now. It seems only right that you want to give your first and best (just as in tithing) to the Lord. This will help you through the remainder of the day. My goal is to treat my time with God just like I do with the tithe - it's the first thing. There is no "setting aside time" - it's primary. Anything after that must have time set aside for it.

7:15 am - woke up and read some of Matthew, particularly about him calming the stormy waters and eating dinner with the tax collectors and sinners. Here are some thoughts:
7:22-23 -- Jesus uses the example of those who will say to Him "did we not prophesy to your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?" He in turn will "tell them plainly, ' I never knew you - Away from me you evildoers!'" This is scary to me. People will have what is considered gifts of the Holy Spirit, but they will be turned away by Jesus because they did not do the will of God. This tells me that having the gifts of the Spirit and using them is not enough! We MUST do what God has called us to do in His Name. What if I don't? What if I go against God's will because I do not have the relationship that is needed to know what His will is? That's why daily fellowship with Him is important.
8:10-13 -- The Faith of the Centurion - here is an instance where Jesus was actually astonished at the faith of the centurion. This is awesome to me. Jesus was caught by surprise because this person had so much faith in Him that he only asked Jesus to say his servant was healed. This is the faith I long for. Just say the word. That's all. This story is proof that it does and can happen. Even the disciples didn't have this much faith, so it is not required, but it should be wanted. There is information about the centurion such as how he heard of Jesus or what made his belief so strong. Had he originally been a Christian? Did he know what to look for? Was he a brand new believer?
It feels good to start my day off this way, but I forgot the time of "stillness".

So it begins

2010-01-19T12:39:00.000-06:00

I have started this endeavor so many times before and I have failed, over and over and over again. This time, in my 29th year, I plan on righting the wrongs. This means building up relationships, building up myself, getting healthier, becoming more disciplined, and changing my outlook on life.

It's true: I am a mess. Just as in any therapy, the hardest part is admitting the problem. Do I want to believe that my weight gain might be my own fault? No. It's easier to think it's because of the PCOS I have, but even that can be cured by exercising and eating healthy.
What about my house? It's definitely messy and not put together. Really, it doesn't feel much like a home. It's not so bad that someone would walk in a claim that we are slobs (at least I don't think he/she would), but it's not the home that I want or expect. That's just the up-keep! There is also the decorating. I have dreams of making curtains and pillows, painting walls, and hanging up decor. My excuse is that I don't have time. That's not true - I'm just lazy.

Then there is the really hard part: emotionl/relational/spiritual. These are harder because they aren't physical, or at least not completely. These aspects of our lives are very individual so what works for one person probably will not work for the next. If it does, chances are it won't yield the exact same results. We have to explore these paths on our own and that is mighty scary. And lonely.

So, I have admitted my shortcomings (in a most broad way) and it's time to move on. I have decided that a human accountability partner just isn't going to cut it for me. There are a couple of reasons for this: 1 - humans are imperfect. I'm asking another imperfect being to hold me to my word. What if that person decides not to be strong that day? What if she doesn't want to hear about my complaints and excuses? A simple "you can do it" doesn't work. Now, maybe if I had someone physically by my side the entire day and telling me how weak I am every time I'm about to make a bad decision, I would do it. Alas, Jillian Michaels already has a job; 2 - I have to be truthful to get through this. There is a high likelihood that I would not be completely honest about my thoughts and actions of the day with someone else that I had to report to. Why, I don't know. It's easy to be that way, I guess. Why is a blog better? Because I can be truthful without getting in the way of myself. I'm better at expressing myself through text. Plus, I can handle criticism much better over a computer. The fact that I don't hear a voice takes some of the sting away. The main reason, though, is because I will be able to see everyday my evolving life. My journal will be my accountability partner. My journal will not lie or get tired of me, even if I get tired of myself.

My plan: right now, my main focus is health. I have somewhat of a plan for that. For everything else, I'm just winging it. That's probably terrible, but it's how I'm starting out. We'll see how it goes.